Sunday, June 20, 2010

Bad Boy Blogfest

We all love them...and boy can they make for good writing. Tina Lynn at Sweet Niblets is hosting this fabulous Bad Boy Blogfest. Be sure to check out the other entries here.

My excerpt is taken from my completed MS Fatal Beauties.
Setup: Amber Ballentine is a creature not to be taken lightly, that is if you value your sanity. But Amber longs for a normal life hidden among the humans. Just as that picture perfect existence is within her grasp, Gabriel, a dark handsome acquaintance from her past appears threatening to ruin everything.


     Gabriel stood there drinking in every inch of me, severely, obtrusively, his velvety brown eyes piercing my very existence as he sidled closer, and closer, until he stood mere inches away. Centuries older than me, or even Lucias, Gabriel had honed his hunting technique to terrifying perfection.
     “Do you know how long I have been searching for you? Tracking you?” he whispered into my ear, his ice-cold breath chilling me to the bone.
     I took one small step away from him…one step closer to the door, to safety. “How did you find me?”
     He stepped forward, undoing my small fraction of progress. “I do not think I will divulge that information just yet. But I did warn you that there was no escape from me. Nowhere you can run, nowhere you can hide.” His lips curved toward the hint of a smile, which seemed more like a grimace. His eyes held not even a hint of love for me.
      No, love was not his motivation.
     Obsession was a much more accurate word for Gabriel’s sick fascination with me. Thanks to my sister, and her constant meddling, I had become the unwilling object of his affection for the last hundred years. I was a fool to think I had rid myself of him.
     “Gabriel what do you want?”
     He cocked his head to the side. “My dearest Ambrosia, all I want, all I have ever wanted, is what’s rightfully mine.”
     “I’m afraid to even ask what that might be,” I muttered.
     He took a strand of my long dark hair in his hand, inhaling deeply, never taking his eyes away from mine. “You already know the answer.”
     “We’ve been through this, whatever Demonica did to you…it’s not real, none of it. I’m not yours,” I whispered desperately.
     “Enough with this nonsense,” he growled, grasping me by the wrists. The moment his frigid touch reached my skin, pain bored through me. I cried out as he forced his memories into my mind.
     “No,” I choked, grasping at the madness running rampantly through my mind. His skin burned me like fresh ice. I struggled to get away, wanted to scream, but knew the end result would do me no good.
     He smiled diabolically. “You remember.”
     “I don’t love you,” I insisted.
     He rested his head against mine. “You will.”
     “No,” I whispered. “I won’t.”
     He sprung away from me, as if my words had scalded his immortal skin. I rubbed at my wrists, attempting to shed the pain.
     “You will love me,” he hissed, as I continued to shake my head. “Just wait, the fun’s only just begun.”
     “What are you up to?”
     “Not so fast.” Gabriel recovered from his momentary wariness, if he was still perturbed it didn’t show in the slightest as he pulled me close. “You have to know the rules to play the game my sweet, and the game you will soon find out has changed dramatically,” he whispered viciously.
     “What does that mean?” I asked not sure if I wanted the answer.
     He grasped me fiercely, kissing the top of my head. “All in good time…I would so hate to ruin the surprise.”
     I jerked away. “Just get out of here. Leave.”
      He smiled. “I will…for now.”
      Without another glance my way, he stepped into the night, leaving me alone in front of my building, feeling terrified and vulnerable. How the hell did he find me this time?


I'd love to hear your thoughts on this little snippet of my MS! Happy Fathers day everyone and don't forget to come back tomorrow for the agent pitch contest with Sarah LaPolla!

21 comments:

Amalia T. said...

Interesting scene! Gabriel definitely seems kind of freaky. I have a feeling that his game is not going to be pleasant for her.

Jemi Fraser said...

That's a fun scene. He's very creepy :)

Raquel Byrnes said...

Gabriel is definitely a bad guy. I wonder what he's hiding? How did he find her and what does he truly want...hmmm. Interesting.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Looking forward to your Movie Dirty Dozen on Monday!

Melissa said...

What a baddie! He's so creepy and intense. This is such excellent tension between the two of them. Poor girl, I almost feel sorry for her.

Great snippet!

Donna Hole said...

You left me wanting more. He's sinister, obsessed; and sexual. The tension in this was great.

.......dhole

Amparo Ortiz said...

Is it okay to say that I hate Gabriel??? ;)

This snippet was really sexy and creepy ALL at the same time, which is pretty hard for most writers (ahem... *cough*). Great job, Renae! I definitely look forward to reading this once you publish it!

DaniSue said...

I really enjoyed this scene, it sucked me right in. I'm with Amparo, can't wait to read the book when it's published!

Renae said...

Wow! Thanks for all the feedback! You guys are so great! Yes, Gabriel is creepy, sexy, scary, obsessed and so much more and yes Melissa you should feel very sorry for Amber!

Is it scary that I love creating these characters?

Talei said...

He's definitely scary and sexy rolled up in one...with a sprinkling of intrigue. I enjoyed reading this scene and definitely love to read more!! ;)

Roni @ FictionGroupie said...

Creepy scene with lots of tension. :) Enjoyed it.

Caitlin said...

Renae this is amazing! As soon as you get published, I want a copy of this, because I am officially in love with your writing :D

Bad boys are so infuriating ... yet so irresistable ... but then, if he wasn't so good looking, I'd bet he'd just be a douche, not a bad boy :P

Olivia Herrell said...

Wow, to be pursued for that long and think you've escaped, just to be caught by Mr. Bad Guy. How creepy that he can force his thoughts on her. I want her to escape. And fast!

Thanks for sharing, Olivia
Stop in and check out my bad guy if you get a chance. :)

elizabeth mueller said...

oooh!! Love among zombiekind, is it? ;) I love the name Demonica!
I'd LOVE to read the rest of this book. Does she give in or does she show him which Mausoleum he could just park his coffin?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on my bad boy! :)

Renae said...

Talei and Roni-I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Caitlin- You are too sweet! Hopefully one day it will be published!

Olivia and Elizabeth-I am heading your way right now! And no, my MC never gives in to Gabriel.

Suzie said...

One thing really made me do a double take... in the first paragraph... how "Gabriel had perfected his hunting technique to terrifying perfection" ... could one of the perfects be switched for something similar? Just a thought.

Otherwise... it was... perfect. Okay, pun intended. Sorry, couldn't help myself. :) That doesn't mean I'm not sincere, though. That is one hell of a scene. Great job!! I'm dying to know if Gabriel will stay the "bad guy" or if he'll be the "bad boy" who falls in love with Amber.

Dawn Embers said...

Obsession is a good word for it. I don't know what's going on, but there are plenty of hints as to what may be to come. There is a good story going on that will unfold and I am intrigued.

Renae said...

Suzie-I love that you pointed that out and I'm smacking myself in the head for missing it! I'm so OCD about word choice and that never crossed my mind! But I am glad you liked it!

Dawn-Obsession is an understatement for what is to come with Gabriel!

Kris & Kels said...

I loved it!! I wish I knew more of the story, cuz that was amazing!

<3 Kelsey Leigh

Andrew Rosenberg said...

Gabriel seems all bark and no bite.
Which might mean he's conflicted...which makes him more interesting IMHO.
He's also a little like the Borg...she will be assimilated.
Interesting stuff!

Renae said...

Kris and Kels- I'll have more to come later this week perhaps.

Andrew-Gabriel is so conflicted its not even funny! Oh, and he does bite...but I don't want to give too much away!